It’s barely 4am when we rip our next clue in Seoul, standing on the sidewalk outside our hotel. It’s peaceful, only a few cars on the road, in sharp contrast to the normal solid six lanes of traffic that kept the city buzzing. “Fly to Hanoi, Vietnam and search the airport for your next clue”. We had more Asian awesomeness ahead of us before we headed back to Canada! Flag down a taxi to Incheon and we were off.
The night before had been a rough one. Jet lag still had us sleeping in strange patterns, and the little persistent sniffle Eric had been battling with for 2 weeks prior to leaving home seemed to be getting worse. On top of it all, he now seemed to have spread it to me, as my throat was on fire, but I was otherwise fine. Needless to say, we were super excited to go to Vietnam, but more than a little grumpy this morning. Side note, Seoul’s airport is fantastic.
It wasn’t until we boarded the plane that the shit really hit the fan. This was, thankfully, the only flight we would be on this whole trip where we got 2 seats to ourselves without having to sit right next to anyone, because that person would have been grossed out. Something about the recycled air on the plane made my nose run like a faucet, and basically everything made me sneeze, so here I was, all red and puffy, working my way through the roll of toilet paper I had stolen from the hotel in case Vietnamese public bathrooms didn’t provide it. Full-on Typhoid Mary. Eric seemed ok for his part, just sleepy, until suddenly he got very cold. Like two airplane blankets and he asked to borrow my hoodie cold. I thought he was just being dramatic, because I’m that type of wife. And then he vaulted over me and sprinted to the bathroom in time to get violently sick. When he returned it was apparent he was in pretty bad shape and had a serious fever. This was when my panic kicked in. In most major airports in Asia, due to the bird flu epidemic a few years back, they have Predator-style body heat sensors looking for potential carriers. You don’t even normally know you’ve been scanned, but if you look carefully there’s a booth against the wall watching everyone’s heat signatures as they hurry to immigration. HOLY FUCKBALLS, WHAT IF THEY DON’T LET US IN? Cue the tears. So here we were, one pasty suffering guy just trying to stay warm and not vomit again, and one sobbing girl with a bright red nose desperately clutching a roll of toilet paper. If I were the other passengers on the plane I would be trying to inch as far away from these wackos as possible.
Fun fact, in all my travels, this is the first country I’ve visited that required a visa in advance for entry. And it’s communist. So we were shitting ourselves when we landed (ok, mainly me. Eric was pretty out of it. Also, he’s not really the shitting himself kind). All I was thinking was “be super nice and do what you’re told” when we get escorted away by the guards. But nothing happened. If he was scanned, I didn’t see it. We strolled unimpeded right into the customs line. Eric breezed through – I guess they thought that’s what he normally looked like. I, on the other hand, was turned back. Turns out there was a clerical error in their system with my visa that only took about 10 minutes to solve at their help desk. Every part of my brain was exploding as I tried to stay as outwardly calm as possible, but inside, I had gone fully nuclear. On the very, very upside, the immigration officers at the Hanoi airport were really nice and easy to work with. I can guarantee they would not have been this chill in Canada.
Finally clearing that customs landing was the highlight of my day. Not even kidding. We had made it, we were IN Vietnam, and now everything else was gravy. Our guide and driver met us and drove us to the Hilton Hanoi Opera, where we immediately got Eric to bed, as we had a full day of touring planned for the next day and were praying that a good night’s sleep would get him back on his feet.
It didn’t. At seven the next morning I was in the lobby, two-fisting phones: talking to my insurance company on my cell phone while simultaneously rescheduling our sightseeing to the next day on the front desk phone. We needed to get him to the doctor. Fun fact number 2, I sold travel insurance for years, but have never before had to make a claim myself. It’s not hard. The most important thing is to call them before seeking medical treatment, so they can advise you of the proper procedures, and in my case, recommend a medical clinic that spoke English. So by 8 we were in a taxi across town to this little clinic hidden in a tiny alley behind an office tower to get some of the best service known to man. By 830 Eric had completed a consultation, been diagnosed with a sinus infection, and had multiple prescriptions filled. Total cost for all of it, including the pills – just under VND$300 000 (CAD$187). To be honest, I expected just the consultation to be that much. It was all covered by insurance, but even if it hadn’t been that was worth every penny.
We spent the remainder of that day in bed. Not the sexy way, just the “let the medication do it’s thing” way. We did get out for a great pho lunch, as at this point Eric hadn’t eaten in almost 36 hours and he needed to get his strength back. Needless to say, here’s the only photo I took during those two full days:
It was unicorn flavored. Not kidding. OMG I love Slurpees/Frosters/Whatever the hell they’re called at your store. And they’re the world’s best thing for a sore throat.
By our second full day in Hanoi, the meds had kicked in and we got Eric out of bed and in to the car for our tour. Not that he really had much of a choice, we were leaving the next day, and we had come way too far to see nothing but the inside of a Hilton. We began at the Hanoi Military Museum, which was more fascinating than I had anticipated. Holy crap the Vietnamese have been through it. No wonder they’re all in a good mood now, the past was shit. The Museum is 50% vehicles, this amazing collection of tanks, planes, cars, Vietnamese, American, Russian. You feel very small.
You’re damn right this was a route info stop on Amazing Race 22.
Then on to the “Hanoi Hilton”, Hoa Lo Prison. This was beyond eye opening. It seems so unassuming a building, but the conditions prisoners endured inside… yet it doesn’t feel like a downer. They have presented it with a sense of hope, like a sigh of relief that the war is over and they will never need to use this place again. So much so that like 10 years ago they sold off half of it and turned the land into condos. It’s also where John McCain had been held during his time as a POW, and his flight suit (as visited on Amazing Race 10) is still on display inside.
From here we visited the Ho Chi Minh Memorial complex, a really lovely park surrounded by impressive 70’s style government buildings and filled with enjoyable attractions like the Ho Chi Minh Stilt House, the One Pillar Pagoda (below)
and the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum. It’s a really relaxing place to wander, with most of it lush and green, filled with koi ponds and all sorts of special species of trees and flowers. The sparse, brutalist architecture of the Mausoleum stands in sharp contrast to this, but almost makes it look more important because of it.
2 Sexy people and a Mausoleum. The sequel to 2 Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. Debuting next fall on CBC.
We spent the next hour or so wandering around Hoan Kiem Lake, chatting with our guide and just experiencing daily life in Hanoi. There’s something about this country that’s just comfortable, like a welcoming hug, and simply existing here feels good.
And then it was time for our food tour. Two notes here – at this point Eric had eaten approximately 2 meals in three days, and the tour description had said you’ll have the oppourtunity to “taste” some of the distinct flavours of Vietnam. Taste in this case translated into being fed a full meal at each stop on this tour. First we wandered through the night market, followed by the bun cha (kind of like beef pho) restaurant that Obama had visited. I love restaurants like this – squishy plastic communal tables, one thing on the menu, efficient service, fast turnover. They just feel ubiquitous to the fast paced Asian way of life and I live for it. At this point we discovered our tour included a full bowl for each of us, however we wisely opted to just split one – I hope our guide got to keep the unused budget as a tip, he deserved it. Then on to the best local pho joint. The broth was more developed than the pho we get in north america, with a warm mix of herbs and spices that gave the broth a slightly nutty taste that was freaking awesome. Luckily from there it was a 20 min walk through the bustling nighttime streets of old town, because we needed it to digest before we were handed more food, this time super flavourful ban mi sandwiches. At this point we resorted to feeding our guide, cutting everything into smaller pieces and splitting it amongst the three of us, as we were ready to explode. There was supposed to be a stop for donuts next, but we opted out, filled to the brim, but relented and had ice cream and rice popsicles at the end, because as Eric said, “there’s always room for ice cream”. His Grandpa would be so proud. Note to anyone taking this tour – don’t eat for a day beforehand, and maybe practice stretching your stomach like those competitive eaters do. But it was all so freaking good! Not one of the stops was disappointing, and I would go back to all of them. One at a time, though, not all in one meal.
Crawling back into bed, we had just enough energy to pack up before passing out in food comas. After losing a day due to illness, we really crammed everything into one day, and it was fantastic, mind-blowing, exactly what you want a day of sightseeing to be. We wrapped ourselves around Hanoi, and it squeezed back affectionately.
Pit stop – we staggered onto the map in last place, fatigued and medicated, but happy. Even sick, it was a fantastic visit, and everyone we had interacted with, from the guides to the doctors to the locals were insanely friendly. There is nothing not to like about this country. And in our blissed-out, overstuffed state, we barely heard Jon tell us this leg was not over, and we were still racing.
Another Pin On The Map 